Cross Country versus Downhill Skiing
Skiing is a political act for Americans: Republicans and Conservatives identify themselves by skiing downhill, while Liberal Democrats are to be found cross-country skiing. Since Scandinavians of all political persuasions ski at every chance, and in every manner possible, this rule is less rigid for Scandinavian/Americans than other Americans.
In America, downhill skiing is the exclusive domain of private enterprise. Though the sport is crawling with would-be jet setters, only those supported by a fifth-generation trust fund, can hop a Concorde to indulge an off-season urge for one of Argentina's better slopes over the 4th of July weekend. Like the remote castles of medieval robber-barons, the finest ski resorts are in isolated mountain passes where the populace is as white as the snow. These mountain hideaways, with their private lodges, exclusive restaurants and pricey little boutiques, are specifically designed to allow Yuppies, Yumpies, and Preppies an opportunity for serious alcohol abuse while surrounded by their own class, away from the scrutiny of the downscale elements. Activists (liberals) see downhill skiing as an elitist sport, requiring skills honed since childhood in an atmosphere of undeserved leisure. The act of being effortlessly chair-lifted to the top of a mountain is, they contend, a capitalist metaphor for the undeserved rise of the White-Anglo-Saxon-Protestant-Male-Executive/Exploiter-Class and its minority collaborators. The feeling of illegitimate superiority engendered by standing atop a mountain is not enough for these downhill people. They must also have the narcotic effect of speeding down a slippery slope, in what Marx has called "The Opiate of the Classes".
Cross-country skiing, on the other hand, is the world's only 100 per cent politically correct sport. Cross Country skis are all union-made by Scandinavian workers who have a higher standard of living than Americans, so neither the masses nor the resources of the third world are being exploited. Unlike down-hill skiing, which requires a huge and prohibitively expensive wardrobe, you can go cross-country skiing in anything from coveralls to authentic Norwegian knickers and wool socks. If your ideology has a dress code, cross-country skiing will not violate it. Further, you do not need to travel great distances to rent an overpriced lodge to ski cross-country because of the ready availability of open-access/equal-opportunity/non-elitist locations like the city park, the zoo and other places owned and operated by the government for the common good. For here the truly committed activist can escape the false values of the petit-bourgeoisie and experience life at its most primal level. Unfortunately, the primal level generally includes rabid farm dogs and very sleazy teenage boys on rusted-out snowmobiles. Conservative downhillers see cross-country skiing as a dangerous, if not openly treasonable, anti-business conspiracy. They see the sport crammed with low-lifes dependent on government-owned, quasi-socialist snow communes on temporarily disused railroad right-of-ways illegally seized by the government from the free enterprise system. Most of the country’s masses, blissfully happy in their ignorance, dismiss such talk as merely another reactionary tirade, and cross-country skiers wear these attacks as a badge of pride.
In truth, the most radical elements at both ends of the political spectrum never enjoy any sort of skiing. Those who have a tendency to stick their foot in their mouths every few minutes find it particularly painful when wearing skis, and nobody wants to fall down while carrying a bomb on the way to an abortion clinic or the draft-board office.